Remember something good. Try it and see.

How was your day?

It’s a familiar scene.  It’s the end of the day and in reply to ‘How was your day?’ whatever was the most irritating, annoying, upsetting, frustrating, anger inducing thing leaps to the front of your mind.

Before you know it, you’re reliving it all over again.  In detail.  And you don’t feel satisfied until the person you’re telling is pulled into it with you.  They reflect back your irritation, annoyance, upset, frustration and anger.  They maybe tell you something similar happened to them – today, yesterday, last week, month, year.  It doesn’t matter when.  

It just matters that they’re paying enough attention to reply with something relevant.  Friends are great at listening and responding, confirming our experience and our response to it.  They join in with us.  And it feels good not to be alone in our indignation. 

It doesn’t matter how big or small the incident was.  It doesn’t matter how much time it took to actually happen.  It doesn’t matter how personal it was to you or you just witnessed it happening to someone else.  You cling to the memory. Take care of it.  Give it other ones to hang out with. Share it. 

What’s happening?  Why do we share negative stories automatically? 

‘The front of your mind’ is a figure of speech but it’s also the location of part of your brain called the frontal cortex.  It’s responsible for emotions.  When we relive the story (the simple act of remembering) and when we share it with someone else my guess is we’re generating an easy to access emotional response.  It’s stimulating.  It feels good to connect with someone else even if it is through sharing something negative.

It might feel good in some way but it’s not good for you.  And it might not be good for the people around you.

So how could you answer next time you’re asked, ‘How was your day?’  

Try this.  Remember something good.  Anything.  It doesn’t matter what size of event, observation, interaction.  What matters is that it made you feel good.  And that’s a big, important thing in itself.  

It could be something you ate, looked at, noticed, read, heard or did.  It might have been a person or things you enjoyed seeing.  

If you know you have a gruesome day ahead or even just a not particularly interesting one plan in one thing you know you’ll enjoy.  And when you’re doing it notice what it is you like about it so that later on when asked ‘How was your day?’ you’ll be able to answer ‘I had/saw/met/felt/heard/touched the most lovely/interesting/beautiful/fascinating/ amazing/heart-warming………’ whatever it was.  Take your pick!

It doesn’t mean you can’t talk about important stuff that’s difficult.  But it does mean that you’ll be in a better frame of mind to talk and think about difficult things.  

It doesn’t mean you’re faking happiness.  But it does show you that pleasure and good experiences are under your control.  You’re not vulnerable to ‘bad things’ happening all of the time.